CHARACTER building, often seen as a key part of a child’s schooling experience, begins at home.

Children who grow up with siblings have plenty of opportunities to sand off their rough edges through daily interactions, as several participants of the BRATs Young Journalist Programme, run by The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) team, shared in the reflective pieces published in StarEdu on Sept 28.

In this issue, two other participants – each the only child in their families – highlight the lessons they, too, have gained despite not having siblings.

For updates on the BRATs programme, go to facebook.com/niebrats.

A space for growth

WHEN people find out I am an only child, I usually get one of three reactions. 

“You must be so spoilt.” 

“Don’t you get lonely?” 

Or that awkward pause, followed by a slow, pitying nod, as if I have just revealed a tragic twist in my life story. 

The truth? Being an only child is neither a sob story nor a fairy tale of endless attention. It is more like tending a quiet, oddly shaped garden. You still grow, but in your own way. 

My playground was silent. While kids with siblings had built-in noise machines at home, arguing, laughing or barging into each other’s rooms, I had uninterrupted peace.

That quiet space became my canvas. I invented imaginary friends with elaborate backstories, wrote short stories starring a bottle of mustard hidden under the bed, and even gave my pens names before holding “press conferences” with them in my room. 

Without a sibling to roll my eyes at across the dinner table, I became my parents’ main conversational partner. We talked about everything, from the school cafeteria’s suspicious teh tarik to my wildly unrealistic career plans, such as the time I announced I would become a unicorn.

I learnt to speak up, listen, and adjust my words depending on whether I was talking to my dad about books or my mum about her school days.

I never really had time to feel lonely; my life was already full of colour, thanks to my parents.

Friends with siblings got daily practice negotiating for the last piece of pizza. I got daily practice holding my own in grown-up conversations. Different, but just as valuable. 

Jeanne: Parents play a key part in teaching us compassion, empathy, and the importance of sharing.

Still, there are moments when I wonder what it might have been like to have a sibling. Maybe we would have whispered secrets past bedtime. Maybe we would have shared chores or plotted daring escapes from family gatherings.

Instead, I learnt the art of compromise in the schoolyard. And trust me, figuring out how to share snacks with friends who did not respect the sacredness of the last French fry is an Olympic sport. 

The thing about being

an only child is that you develop a certain kind of independence, not the “I don’t need anyone” kind, but the “I will try to figure it out, and if I can’t, I know who to ask” kind.

My parents are my mentors, cheerleaders and reality checkers all in one. I do not have an older sibling to warn me about secondary school politics or a younger one to test my patience, but I have two people who teach me by example how to stand my ground and still be kind. 

If you are an only child, here is my take: Do not fear solitude. Being comfortable in your own company is a skill.

Create your “found siblings”. Cousins and friends can bring you the sibling-style chaos and support you might crave.

Practise sharing. The real world will make you do it anyway.

Talk to your parents. They may surprise you with wisdom and wonderfully strange stories.

Being an only child is neither a ticket to loneliness nor a golden pass to a perfect life.

It is simply a different way of growing up, one that gave me creativity, adaptability, and the ability to hold a conversation with anyone, from a seven-year-old to a 70-year-old. 

At the end of the day, family is not about the number of people at the dinner table.

It is about the laughter, the lessons, and the love that fill the space, whether that space echoes with the footsteps of many, or just yours. — By ISABEL LIM, 14

Finding my balance

IF you were an only child, how would you imagine your life to be? 

Most of my friends think being the only youngster in the family is a good thing – you get all the attention, right?

As much as I would like to agree, there is another side that people don’t realise – one that has shaped me into the person I am today, with the guidance of my parents.

Being an only child means learning to overcome problems on my own. I have had to be self-reliant and independent because I have no siblings to turn to for help.

For a long time, I felt like I had to carry everything on my shoulders but as I grew older, I realised it’s okay to ask for help.

I also learnt to keep myself occupied in my own space. This has given me the chance to be creative and imaginative. I fill my time by reading, writing short stories, drawing, doing art, learning music, and even picking up a bit of dance too. 

Friends and cousins are especially valuable when you are an only child. They are the closest connections that we have to siblings, and I cherish every moment spent with them.

Sometimes I may be overly talkative or open with my emotions, but my friends have learnt to accept that. For me, friendships are to be cherished and nurtured on a deeper level.

I also learnt to pay attention to people’s feelings and needs, since I don’t have siblings to practise with. 

Many people assume that an only child is quiet, reserved, shy or self-centred. But I have come to see that being an only child, and spending a lot of time alone at home, doesn’t define one’s personality. We can be outgoing and friendly too.

Parents play a major role in shaping an only child into the best version of themselves. Since we are often comfortable in our own space, parents need to encourage and support us to step outside our comfort zones.

They also play a key part in teaching us compassion, empathy, and the importance of sharing – something we don’t naturally experience without siblings.

Being an only child has shaped me in many ways. The solitude, often seen as a limitation, taught me independence, creativity, and how to be comfortable in my own company.

But it also showed me the importance of reaching out, connecting with others, and developing emotional intelligence – lessons strengthened by my parents’ encouragement. — By JEANNE SYLVESTER, 17

With the theme of the article in mind, carry out the following English language activities.

1 What are some things an only child might value if they had a sibling? Discuss this in pairs. Then, write a short reflection on why we must not take what we already have for granted. Alternative: Imagine what a child with siblings might value if they were an only child. Write a similar reflection.

2 Imagine you have a friend who is either an only child or has siblings they often bicker with. Brainstorm fun activities you could invite them to join (e.g. board games, cooking together, art projects, movie nights). Share your ideas in small groups.

The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) programme promotes English language learning in primary and secondary schools nationwide.

For Star-NiE enquiries, email starnie@thestar.com.my.